How to Navigate into a Healthy Relationship

What is our goal with a relationship? They all have different feels to them.

Do you want to remain only platonic friends? Is there an attraction that you want to investigate sexually but, maybe not consider them on a soul-mate love connection? Or, do you see someone in front of you that you'd like to share all of yourself with on a long term basis?

Determining who this person is that you want to explore a relationship with is the beginning … or maybe by doing the following exercise you may find your initial idea changes about who they are to you.

Here's how we have open communication to share what we want, find out what they want, and move forward.

I like acronyms because it helps me remember the flow of thoughts. This one is RBDSM and stands for:

R=Relationship

What is your current relationship status? At times we find ourselves attracted to another person and we may currently be in a relationship already, or they are. This question also leads into what are we looking for in a relationship? Long term? Short term fling? Friends with benefits?

B=Boundaries

What are your physical boundaries? Be explicit and mature. Are you open to intercourse?  Do you save it for those you are in a long term relationship with? Where do you allow yourself to be touched? Or not be? I have a friend who doesn't hold hands with anyone except their long term partner because for him, that's his most intimate area. I also have another friend who considers oral sex as non-intimate touch. We all have different ideas about our sexual encounters. Learn, explore, share.

D=Desires

What do you desire in your relationship? Do you cherish your freedom? What are the most important qualities to you in a relationship? Honesty? Sex? Trust? Communication?

S=Sexual Health

When was the last time you were tested? What were the results? Be honest with the person in front of you with the numbers of partners you've had since you were tested and whether or not you used protection. Remember here positive wording is KEY! When you tell the results of your test use the words "NEGATIVE" or "POSITIVE." If we use the words "I'm clean," we are implying that someone is dirty if their test came back positive. No one is dirty because of sex. Highlight the importance of choice and not taking someone's away. Maybe their partner didn't know, maybe they were lied to. No one is dirty for loving another human.

M=Meaning

What meaning will you place on having a sexual experience with the person you're talking to? If you have sex with this person will you immediately feel it's an "exclusive" relationship?

This is an exercise that may feel like a negotiation. But, you will learn so much about them and can determine if you are on the same page with what you desire. Timing is also important. If we wait until the heat of the moment, it will be more awkward and our true feelings may not be voiced. Remember intention follows attention … think that this is a normal conversation and it will be.

Often this conversation falls on the female. Have it! Don't shy away from it. Make sure you carry a condom with you in your purse if they don't have one. Often men are not prepared.